How should I navigate sleepovers and playdates with kids who have smartphones?
[.style-intro]Sleepovers and playdates should be about real world connection, laughter and fun – not worrying about what your child might see on someone else's smartphone. But we get it. It's a real concern, and it can feel awkward bringing it up. The good news? You can set boundaries without making it weird.[.style-intro]
1. Start with curiosity, not judgment
Before a sleepover or playdate, have a chat with the host family. Something like: "We've been thinking a lot about kids and smartphones. It's so tricky, isn't it – what's your approach?" This opens up a conversation rather than a lecture. You might be surprised – many families share your concerns but haven't figured out how to talk about them yet.
2. If you're hosting, set expectations
When hosting, set a 'phone-free playdates' expectation for all kids – not just your own. You could let the parent know beforehand with a simple, "I hope it's ok for you, but we prefer to do phone-free playdates: no smartphones or tablets. Yes, I'm that technophobe parent!" keeps it lighthearted. Alternatively, ask the kids you're hosting to put their devices into your family tech drawer/box on arrival. Tell them you want them to get up to some fun, not just stare at screens. They can let you know if they need to make a phone call.
3. If they're hosting, don't be afraid to set a boundary
If your child is going to someone else's house, don't be afraid to let them know your approach before you arrive. It helps to have a simple, non-preachy way to explain. For example: "We're keeping her smartphone-free for now, so I'd prefer if she doesn't go on any devices with internet/YouTube etc whilst she's with you – I hope that's ok.'
4. Share an anecdote that illustrates your concern
Sometimes real life parenting stories say everything that needs to be said, and helps to avoid a lengthy explanation of your views on smartphones. For example, a mum in our community hosted her first ever sleepover for her 8-year-old son, and didn't realise his friend had packed an iPad in his bag. They woke up at 5am and watched two hours of violent porn before she realised what was going on. Her son was traumatised by what he'd seen and developed OCD and anxiety. No parent wants this to happen to their child, whatever their approach to devices, which makes it a levelling anecdote that you can all agree you want to avoid.
5. Talk to your child ahead of time
No matter what, kids will encounter smartphones at some point. Have ongoing conversations about what they might see and how to handle it. Teach them phrases like, "I don't want to watch that," or "Can we do something else?" so they feel equipped to walk away from anything that doesn't sit right with them.
6. Give your child an exit strategy
If they end up uncomfortable at a friend's house, make sure they know they can always call or text you (on a simple phone or someone else's phone) for a pick-up – no questions asked. Agree on a simple code phrase. Something like, "Hey, did you find the missing shoe?", which can be a discreet way for them to get out of an uncomfortable situation.
7. Find your allies
The more families who set these boundaries, the easier it gets. If you know other families with similar views, chat with them. You might even suggest a "phone-free playdate" rotation so kids can hang out without screens being an issue.
8. Focus on the positives
This isn't about banning or restricting – it's about giving kids space to just be kids. Without the lure of toxic and addictive algorithms, they get to fully engage with each other, be creative, and make real-life memories. That's the goal, and it's something most parents (and kids) can get behind.
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At the end of the day, you're not alone in this. The world of childhood is changing fast, and we're all figuring it out together. By approaching these conversations with warmth, understanding, and a little bit of humor, we can create spaces where kids can thrive – free from endless scrolling. And that's something worth standing up for.
