How do I talk to my primary school age child about delaying smartphones?

[.style-intro]Let’s face it – if your child is asking for a smartphone, they’re not alone. By the end of primary school, lots of kids are getting them. But even if it feels hard, waiting a little longer can be one of the best things you do for your child’s wellbeing. With honesty and empathy, you can help them understand why the answer is 'not yet', for now.[.style-intro]

1. Start with empathy

Let your child know you understand how they feel. You could say:

"I know you really want a smartphone, and it's hard seeing other kids who already have one. That feeling of being left out isn't nice – and I'm here for you."

When children feel heard, they're more likely to open up. Starting with empathy helps your child know this isn't a punishment – it's a conversation.

2. Remind them every family is different

It’s okay if other kids have smartphones – every family makes their own decisions, and that’s up to them. You might say:

“This is what we’ve decided because we think it’s best for you right now. Other families might choose differently, and that’s okay too. We’re doing what feels right for us.”

3. Keep your explanation simple and honest

Children this age don’t need all the details, but they do appreciate the truth. You might say:

“Smartphones can be really fun, but they weren’t made for kids. When they first came out, people didn’t realise how much harm they could do – especially to children. But now we know more, and I want to make sure you stay safe.”

You can add:

“These apps and devices weren’t built with kids in mind. They’re not always kind spaces, and it’s up to us to look out for you until you’re ready.”

4. Explain that smartphones can dent their confidence

Primary school is a time when kids are just starting to build their self-esteem. You might say:
"There's a lot on the internet that makes people feel like they're not good enough. People only post the best parts of their day or use filters to change how they look – and that can make you feel like you're not doing enough or don't look right. I want you to grow up knowing how awesome you are – without comparing yourself to stuff that isn't even real."

5. Explain how smartphones and social media really work – in a way they understand

Give them a kid-friendly version of the bigger picture – a little context can go a long way.

"Smartphones and social media are actually designed to get you to keep scrolling and swiping, even when you don't want to. Every time you watch something or tap on a video, the app learns what you like and shows you more and more, so it's hard to stop. The people who made the app don't care if it makes you tired or upset – they just want your attention. That's how they make money. It's not fair – and I don't want that happening to you."

You can add:
"Waiting a bit longer means you're protecting your brain – and that's a really smart thing to do. It's kind of like a superpower in a world where everyone else is getting sucked in."

6. Talk about what they gain by waiting

Help them see the positives. Try saying:

"Without a smartphone, you get more time to do things you really love – whether that's drawing, playing with friends, riding your bike, or just being silly and having fun. You're free to be yourself, without worrying about what's happening online."

7. Be honest about the serious stuff – in an age-appropriate way

Even younger children deserve to know the risks – without being overwhelmed. You could say:

"A lot of things on smartphones are just not designed for kids. There can be videos or messages that are confusing, scary, or not nice. And sometimes people pretend to be someone else to trick kids. I want to make sure you stay safe and don't see things that might upset you. When you're older, we can talk more about how to handle that kind of stuff – but right now, I want to protect you."

8. Offer other ways to feel independent

For many kids, wanting a smartphone is about feeling grown-up. You can meet that need in other ways:

"We could talk about new ways you can have a bit more independence – like walking to school, or going to the shop on your own."

"How about we start thinking about when you might be ready for a smartwatch or a simple phone that can call or text us if you need to?"

These small steps can go a long way in helping your child feel trusted and mature.

9. Be a role model

Kids are always watching. If they see you constantly glued to your phone, they'll want one too. Try saying:

"I've been thinking about how much I use my phone, too. I want to make sure I'm not missing out on time with you. Maybe we can both work on using screens less?"

10. Keep the conversation going

Let your child know this isn't forever:

"We'll keep talking about this as you get older. When the time feels right, we'll figure it out together – and we'll make sure it's in a way that feels good for you and keeps you safe."
You're not just saying no – you're saying yes to something better.

Delaying a smartphone isn't always easy – especially when everyone else seems to have one. But by waiting, your child gets more freedom to grow, play, and build confidence without the pressure of being online too soon. With honesty, kindness and connection, you're not just setting a rule – you're building trust. And that's something your child will carry with them for years to come.